How can I be silly twice!

Just thought I would do a post to elevate the worst day of my life and coming clean just about works for me. In fact the best solution actually. So here goes...

1) being silly and not listening to proper advice from le best guy friend. 

2) pushing the wrong buttons.

I officially screwed up the dynamics with the opposite gender.

Sorry I tend to overthink tons of stuff and sometimes hate people who just don't come clean and play stupid mind games. I am just kinda innocent about it all, after all I am inexperienced and shit. But it doesn't matter, it's better than letting things get all crazy and stuff right? But still sad though, cause just a really nice guy and I guess I am saying I kinda feel something but more towards the comfortable side. So hopefully no hard feelings and I don't want to spoil the way we are in school and stuff, cause it's just really being friends with guys.

But after today, I definitely still feel something but the way I was all crazy emotional when I was a teen. Hahaha, still funny how I fell for the same trap twice! WHAT THE.......... To Lorraine: WHY ARE YOU SO SILLY?!! PLEASE JUST REMIND ME TO NEVER BE SO SILLY TO SELF CONFESS AGAIN. Like hell, twice really?! LORRAINE HAVE YOU EVER LEARN YOUR LESSONS?! Hahaha, I guess I will just look back and say I did spend 23 years trying so hard to find a boyfriend IF I ever get married. But I really really wish I had one... cause I am starting to feel the aging process and worry. But the Feng Shui master said I won't find 1 till 27....... That's really old...... I should have known better to then to act as if I know the signs. I just fell flat on my ass. CAN I EVER NOT FEEL AWKWARD. NOPE. WHO AM I KIDDING.

Ah, regarding pushing the wrong buttons. I really can't be bothered right now, cause karma slapped me in the face for laughing at someone. Let's just leave it as that.

Phew, I feel better for spilling beans and posting. Well next up on my list while officially striking off boyfriend, is getting back to my baby... BOOKS. Sigh, how I wish our relationship this sem is better. PLEASE I NEED TO PULL GPA. SO NO MORE SLACKING AND THINKING OF SILLY BOYS. I'm done. Sometimes I wonder if I should ever just be a nun.., YA.. I still can't let go of not finding a boyfriend! (Stop looking, if it's meant to be it will be) I need to stop this shit and getting my proper sleep.

Just realised how every semester I have to meet with some stupid setback...

Goodnight world!
Till next time which I believe is a long while.... :D

Face reality and endure.

Hello all,

Another new year, another new semester.

More new goals to set as well.

The coming semester feels so alien to me. One of my classmates who I can relate to on so many levels is MIA, which saddens me. People who tend to go missing always end up leaving school. Losing 1 was a big blow to me, another will be worst. I hope I will get to see her when school reopens and may everything be the same as it is, or at least better. Cause right now I feel so alone, which sucks. Fear of something new I guess and my self esteem is still on the low right now.

On the side note, thank god for helping me get out of a horrible place I am in last semester. This coming semester will be worst of. I know it. 4 study modules, 3 of which I hope to pass but predict will fail so bad. T_T I still am willing to try though. My schedule is not pact, but I know I will laze around and procrastinate. I just hope the coming semester will be a miracle and OF COURSE 1000% hardwork again, more than this semester.

This is a battle I am willing to fight. I know even alone with an extra 1 semester compared to my friends I have to do it. YES YOU CAN, YOU WILL, YOU MUST!

With my constant sneezing and tiredness, I need to end here.

Bye.

Hell and Back

Satisfactory, not really but I am glad I managed to make a huge improvement in my results this semester. Thanks for giving me another chance!

It's not about doing well, but surviving 13 weeks of school again. I think I might just go ahead and try another semester before I give up on my academic career since the GPA is increasing. I know I need to work 10 time harder then last semester but I am willing to give it my all because this has shown so much that actually I can make it. (Semester 1 is all too much of a disaster to go through over again.. if only my results in the 1st were the same as the semester, things wouldn't be so hard on me).

I have another 13 more weeks before I know if it is really the end of my academic career again, but sometimes we just got to take risks. If you never try you would never know. I just pleased to see the grades for programming and maths, but disappointed in my physics and software engineering grades.

I am really glad I found TONIGHT ALIVE'S HELL AND BACK! It gave me so much strength to face my results today and I have ISSUES'S NEVER LOSE YOUR FLAMES to push me on to continue with my uni education. What will I do without these bands in my life?!

Let's try it once more and see where it will get me...

"There’s no use in feeling low, No… 

But I never let myself down, so bad

But I never thought I’d have the things I have

Cause it was the heaviest rain I ever felt on my skin 

It was the heaviest place that I have ever been in 

As the walls crashed down I felt it slip away 

Cause I went to hell and back just to be where I am today"

So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart