Anxiety-ridden...

When change is inevitable.

I was hoping this 3 months of holiday would be different, will be something I look forward to. But all the things that happened recently has made the 1st week a living nightmare. Well, at least if I am homed up in my own room I don't care how much this is affecting me. But the fact is... 

DAMN IT... FINALLY HOW INTERNSHIP IS STARTING TOMORROW IS GETTING ME!

Well, it's not the company or the people I am anxious about. I am afraid of changes. All the recent changes was really been freaking me out. I look calm and at peace but inside I am dying. I lost the touch in expressing my true feelings to anyone or being honest to myself. I hate not being me! I hate how I lost track of my life. What sucks the most is how tomorrow being in hall without anyone I know will definitely take a toll on me...

Well, now I have to take this one step at a time... throwing all emotional shit away. Cause internship is real. I hope I can handle this.

I'm glad I did it anyway...

I'm glad. At least I know I have let a burden of my chest. Cause when my head runs at 100miles/hour, sleeping is not an option. Now I have been given more then enough to see the light. (: 

Being silly yes for doing it more then once yes. But at least I get a proper answer for myself. (: Life goes on, the world still spins. I know I won't talk to you anymore, but it's a happy-sad thing. 

Where are we even headed to?

Are there times where you question the relationship you have with a certain someone? Like what you really mean to them?

Right now I have the world's largest dilemma to let this person go or to continue whatever we are having even though things have changed quite a bit. The recent change has been really uncomfortable. I wish I could throw all my thoughts out there for the person to understand - from all the white lies to how I really really feel right now. But my reservations lies at how this will change things all over again. Where we no longer speak to each other...

I know I have 3 months to let it all go if all things heads to the place I hope it won't. But honestly, who am I kidding right? We all will miss the habits we both have had with the someone we thought we had a connection with. I am sure I will... being emotionally attached and all. T_T If only I could find a solution to my mind and heart.

Right now, how I wish this whole semester could start all over and I didn't let things transpire to where things have headed... But who am I kidding? If it was to happen all over again, I think I will do the same damn thing.

Ha, life. Why do you always go the way I wish you wouldn't go... ):

When speaking fails, we fall back on words...

Less then 24 hours is the first paper for this Sem. But here I am trying to be emotional stable to handle all screwed up shit in my life. 

This Sem has been one hella of a roller coaster ride, emotional turmoil and a whole lot of expectations. I wish I could just leave the expectations behind and move on! 

But it's not possible... I just know this will end up like Y2S1 where all the shit storm started. HA, I can't wait for life to laugh in my face. DEAR GOD, WHY ARE YOU MAKING MY LIFE SO HARSH ON ME?! WHY?! 

As time slowly slips away to the final paper... I too feel myself slipping into a world of anxiety and sorrow.... 

I pray for the best. That's all I can say. Please just don't let me repeat any modules!

Feb

Welcoming February where the month of flowers and sweets on the 14 makes me sick in the stomach and partly being sour grape from being single. HAHA.

This is not the point.

I had the worst January in all the years of my life (NOT) but it was horrible to a certain extend. So I welcome the singlehood and embracing the stressed up life that is not piling up slowing. I need to stop the weekend hangs and start my study proper. If I could I would love to go back to the last semester because I know this one will suck as much as the very first one. But anywho... WORK HARD AND FIGHT ON!

Alright ranting done and signing off, till next time.

Books. Books. Books.