So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart

Nothing feels right anymore

Right now I'm sleepless and so here a quick post of randomise thoughts which might only make sense to me.

This exact quote is the representation of my life right at this moment and I couldn't have said it any better.

“I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.”

– Hellen Keller

HOWEVER.....

The situation right now is really all about re-enforcing her words. Now I don't think it's about me proving a point, but enjoying the process!

YES I CAN, I WILL, I MUST!!!!!!

(Ps: If I'd blog a post every time I can't seem to sleep, this blog ought to have the value of 5 * 13 post! -.-)

Denial

Denial is just the easiest way to hide the pain. Avoidence is the easiest way to avoid reality. 

Denial and avoidence. I'm doing both. I though I could do this, to act like everything is fine and it will be alright. But I'm lying to myself... I'm taken by stress and fear. Since that day, I cried for 2 days, on and off. Never knew I had that much tears. 

Now I feel really empty. The dream I used to have, where'd it go? (Queue The Wanted's song: All Time Low) Even my self esteem and personality has drop to an all time zero. The question is... should I be a bummer and spoil their day or just simply hide in my shell and not meet them at all? So much pondering.. so little time.

Seems like I'm still going for denial and avoidence. ㅠㅠㅠ

Up and coming..

A new year is fast approaching.. I had experienced so much, especially my greatest failure in my academic career which landed a devastating end to 2013. But this means lessons learnt and a major wake up call. 

So here's my resolutions for the upcoming year:

1) EXERCISE TO DESTRESS.

2) PARTICPATE IN A MARATHON! 

3) No more procrastination

4) 6 months of crazy ass social media resulted in my obsessive I can't live without social network habit all over again. I WILL KICK IT!

5) Study hard, work hard, cause effort = results!

6) I CAN, I WILL, I MUST!

7) Travel to a place I have yet to been.

8) Enjoy life, don't worry and stress too much.

Leaving it at lucky 8, yes I'm superstitious like that. May 2014 please bring me more  study luck (cause I can't give up on my uni dream) and happiness along the way. 

A hole

If you try your best and you don't succeed. Do you keep trying or let it slip through your hands? I am so close to giving up on my uni education cause it isn't working out but I feel so bad towards my parents...

I will just try for another semester. If it all doesn't work out... I'm leaving even if it breaks me up so bad. 😔 

I am left with no hope but only sorrow. My life is as grey as the sky.