Carry on... or not...

Am I the only one struggling to understand? Cause it feels like I am the only one who do not understand anything that is going on. I feel so inferior and depressed. Being at the bottom of the bell curve is worrisome. I know I have been slacking off, trying to find excuses to avoid doing what I am suppose to do. Avoiding is all I can do now, because not knowing a single thing is soooo discouraging. But I think I am partly complacent. I do fear repeating of modules, but I am just not as motivated as I used to be.

I miss being efficient and productive.

I have finally reached the end of the tunnel that I am not sure where to go....



I realised, nothing good comes out from me and my thoughts when I am alone. So this post is oblivious because I am alone in the hall right now. 

The sound of an old guitar is saving you from sinking

"Life is always hard. 

Dry your eyes, dry your eyes

Don’t be afraid."

I have been wanting to post for the longest time but I have been EXTREMELY BUSY.

My life in uni has started for 3 weeks and now heading for the 4th. It's been pretty shitty academic wise but the course peeps are not that bad. Hall is really really convenient! No regrets about that! Besides that I have opened up quite a bit. However, somehow I find myself falling back into being that naive person and trusting anyone just in that instant you are friendly  with me. I really should keep an eye, cause you never will know...

I realised my stress level has hit an all time high and it's mentally wearing me out. I have kept up an facade for far too long and it's kinda driving me insane. Not only that, I have been having constant headaches when ever I'm feeling so stressed. I also have the tendency to express my anger like crazy at home. Uni really kinda turn my world upside down and out of it course! If this continues I really don't know how to do this anymore.

Please god! I need your bless to pull through 3 years of hell. I really don't want to let anyone down... ):

I WILL CONTINUE PRAYING AND HOPING! Alright gotta end here cause my head is starting to hurt again!

Real shit, starting in 3... 2... 1...

HELL SHIT GOT REAL TODAY! And here's a little shout out to make my start a wee bit better.

"I CAN MAKE IT TILL THE END OF YEAR 2.1! I CAN MAKE IT TILL THE END OF YEAR 4! I CAN GRADUATE!"

Well... Hopefully.

Break the tension

I know I can't stay away much from this blog and my predicament is right. I really did try my hardest to stay away especially feeling like crap now. However, I need this post so badly! My mental state is in a total wreak right now, because...

I HAVE A QET TOMORROW AND I KNOW THE POSSIBILITY OF PASSING IS CLOSE TO NONE! (I really hate to admit that..)

I don't need any other people convincing me that I need to be positive, calm and shit. I know my English standards; spelling is atrocious and my content is as kiddish as it can get. Not only that, I have a hard time organising my thoughts whenever I freak out and no amount of deep breathing is going to get rid of that fear flowing in my blood. Besides, I can affirm anyone that I know that I will definitely be freaking the hell out almost every millisecond, second, minute and hour till the test end.

I really do hope I will be able to write something on the piece of paper, else I might as well not turn up and get enrolled in the additional English module that all the candidates who failed will be enrolled in. Right at this moment I am feeling like shit because I can't even get any ideas for a simple sample paper. I might as well have a F.L.U.N.K OR S.C.R.E.W.E.D written in red on the entire paper.

To all the gods-who-are-helping-the-qet-candidates, please bless me by letting me pass (need not be a fantastic pass but an OKAY, NO NEED EL MODULE! pass) so that I don't have to take another module that I am soooo sure might kill me with the amount of modules on my plate. PLEASE GOD. PLEASE.

I really do need a miracle. A FREAKING MIRACLE. ):



//shit just got reaaal with blackboard. i need to pass y2.1 to go to aussie else... i might as well... 

Hopeless

I want to believe I am a dream catcher. Everything seems out of reach. Dreams aren't dreams, but a burden.

Without the basics where will I be. My expectations are now fears and pitch black. Life shouldn't be about failures or constant suicidal thoughts. It should be carefree, full of rainbows and butterflies. (It's not always the case but... you get what I mean)

Did I just lead myself in the deepest and darkest of pit holes?

I just want to pass, no repeating of modules and I am good. No more hoping for 2nd class. Just passes!