Real shit, starting in 3... 2... 1...

HELL SHIT GOT REAL TODAY! And here's a little shout out to make my start a wee bit better.

"I CAN MAKE IT TILL THE END OF YEAR 2.1! I CAN MAKE IT TILL THE END OF YEAR 4! I CAN GRADUATE!"

Well... Hopefully.

Break the tension

I know I can't stay away much from this blog and my predicament is right. I really did try my hardest to stay away especially feeling like crap now. However, I need this post so badly! My mental state is in a total wreak right now, because...

I HAVE A QET TOMORROW AND I KNOW THE POSSIBILITY OF PASSING IS CLOSE TO NONE! (I really hate to admit that..)

I don't need any other people convincing me that I need to be positive, calm and shit. I know my English standards; spelling is atrocious and my content is as kiddish as it can get. Not only that, I have a hard time organising my thoughts whenever I freak out and no amount of deep breathing is going to get rid of that fear flowing in my blood. Besides, I can affirm anyone that I know that I will definitely be freaking the hell out almost every millisecond, second, minute and hour till the test end.

I really do hope I will be able to write something on the piece of paper, else I might as well not turn up and get enrolled in the additional English module that all the candidates who failed will be enrolled in. Right at this moment I am feeling like shit because I can't even get any ideas for a simple sample paper. I might as well have a F.L.U.N.K OR S.C.R.E.W.E.D written in red on the entire paper.

To all the gods-who-are-helping-the-qet-candidates, please bless me by letting me pass (need not be a fantastic pass but an OKAY, NO NEED EL MODULE! pass) so that I don't have to take another module that I am soooo sure might kill me with the amount of modules on my plate. PLEASE GOD. PLEASE.

I really do need a miracle. A FREAKING MIRACLE. ):



//shit just got reaaal with blackboard. i need to pass y2.1 to go to aussie else... i might as well... 

Hopeless

I want to believe I am a dream catcher. Everything seems out of reach. Dreams aren't dreams, but a burden.

Without the basics where will I be. My expectations are now fears and pitch black. Life shouldn't be about failures or constant suicidal thoughts. It should be carefree, full of rainbows and butterflies. (It's not always the case but... you get what I mean)

Did I just lead myself in the deepest and darkest of pit holes?

I just want to pass, no repeating of modules and I am good. No more hoping for 2nd class. Just passes!

Dream catcher?

I am sceptical about what life is about to put me in the next couple of years. It's gonna be those times ALL OVER AGAIN, 3 years of pure anxiety, worry and misery. But definitely there will be times that will be harder to get by.

I know It's too early to say anything when I have not started it on proper terms, however some how I have the strangest feeling I won't be able to get it completed and during this process I'm gonna go crazyyyy, LITERALLY!!! Even with constant motivation from my family and friends, I really hate being a let down. I really dont want to be a let down. I'm feeling super miserable right now but have been suppressing it for awhile now. 

I haven been the nicest person on the plant and made plently of empty promise to god. Just please tell me/show me a sign I'm making the right decision (I really am lost from the start). I don't need to excel. I just need to get through this 3 years and graduate with that square hat. It's just all I ask. *fingers crossed*

I hope in the next month I'm game for all the stress and pressure. I really, truly, hopefully, can get through all this.

Let's all get back in the game!

I CAN, I WILL, I MUST!!!!

Time to go find some motivational videos...

Fuck this shit!!!!

FUCK THIS SHIT! I'M ENDING ALL THIS SHIT HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!!

NO MORE HOPING AND WANTING. IF ITS MEANT TO BE IT WILL. LIFE IS JUST FULL OF STORMS AND I GOTTA KNOW I CAN HANDLE THIS CRAP!!!!!!

FUCK DEPENDING ON PEOPLE... I CAN DO IT ON MY OWN.


FUCK THE WORLD!!!! I NEED TO BE STRONG FOR MYSLEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I officially hate being reflective about events in my life. Totally not good............-_-