The literal pain of a heartache...

I wish words could describe the thoughts and emotions that I am currently feeling, but at times the pain and things that are eating up at you could only be expressed that much.

I found the perfect album that says it all...

"If it's the will that has to be there, 

To find my way out of this hell that dwells inside of my head. 

Then I'll find the hope I misplaced and fear faced without a doubt. 

In a sea of shipwrecked thoughts my lungs are filled with lead now.

 I've been sinking so long. 

I've never been the type to give in, 

Maybe it's that feeling in my bones, 

That keeps me far from home. 

I'm miles away from all that I know, 

Maybe it's too hard for me to quit 

Down this path that's barely lit.

You know what's shaken me, is all the broken things.

I'm picking up what never went missing. 

Replace the piece of mind, fell out so far behind. 

So many words with a jaw still clenching. 

But now I'm through with you, nothing to do with you. 

I'm giving up on what was never there for me this time."

I really hope after doing this I will feel better.

But what are the odds, I am totally shattered and broken................

When the emotions are way bigger than you can handle.

THE NEW YEAR. Well, the lunar new year. Shouldn't it be a good start?

Well, not for me. Not really.

How could 2016 started off so badly that I am feeling so exhausted in the mere 2 months since it started? 

The number of emotional battles and anger management I got to handle goes beyond 1000. (Well, at least it feels like a 1000) I know many of those things are all my fault i.e. being too emotionally involved in situations. Well, I feel like I owe so many people an apology this year for all that shit that I have done. Well, I just don't feel like me recently.

The emptiness or longing rather has changed me. I feel like I suffering so badly, trying to breath, to hang on but there seems to be no way out of here. My temper and my mouth is getting the best of me. Maybe it is a sign I need to spend more time alone, stay away from people for a bit. 

At the end of the day we all go alone don't we? 

I am tired. Is there a better place out there for me?