Wrong choice?

Look at the time, I should be sleeping and heading to school at 7.40am. But yet I'm sitting here blogging, thinking about updating a little...

I'm depriving of sleep. I really should have learnt my priories especially being a year 3 student. Any way everything is fine here. Alright and TODAY'S THE DAY FOR THE PRESENTATION! I really hope never a wont get in the way. *pray to everything and eveyone in the sky*

I think I'll do a full update when I'm back but during the holidays due to the tight schedule I'm having right now. ><

HOLIDAY IS TO COMPLETE PROJECT SUBMISSIONS. ): I'm like dying of exhaustion now in fact.

Kkk... I'll end here and start stoning in the hall.

Byezzzz

What to anticipate?

I am kinda worried cause I will be away from home for 4 nights and I have no idea what to anticipate tomorrow. I hope it won't be like horrible but fun. I have to garner my courage to speak out, but really how? Look at me feeling uncomfortable among people I am not close with.


Whatever it is....

BREAK THROUGH NEEDED NOW!

I need nothing

I DO NOT NEED ANYTHING!!! I DO NOT WANT ANYTHING!!! Sometime I wish I really have some issues with myself I'd feel better.

I'd rather be the pessimistic person. Too much false hopes this semester. Too much lost dreams and self denial.

Say hello to the pessimistic me...
My life feels like Rachel Berry's chocked NYADA auditions + the after shock events. (yes, referring to the test later in the afternoon which I'm going to flunk with a big ZERO)

This is always my life during a crucial year, crucial moment. WHY THE _____ AM I NOT LIVING NEAR SCHOOLLLLLLLLL!!! _|_

Never go

I told myself, umpteen times but somehow I always end up there. I'm not doing what I am suppose to do. This will be the same as the previous... the route is the same as those. I can tell. Will I ever have a smooth sailing life? Some do. But why not mine? I am skeptical about life, my life.

It's the...

" It's the time you totally screwed up,
It's the past that you're dieing to change,
It's all the dreams that never came true,
Still you try to get it out your brain. "

Actually I'm pretty much nonchalant about everything, handling it 10000 times better than I expected. I won't be cliché with all the general those optimistic terms. Everyone can say it, so can I. Actually I'm feeling great, cause I know I have grown more through such setbacks. For someone getting the '2' in their age. On the other hand I am also in the process of trying to build a new me. One who doesn't cry as often, emo as often, be more outspoke, be ignorant to all douchebags and cunts (Sorry, I'm vulgar to such people.), be kind to all and really just grow to be a good person with qualities. I will definitely have flaws so the vulgar part is that flaw but it only comes out once in awhile. Yeps. (:

Busy bee

Buzzzzzz~...... like a bee!

I have been really busy with school and Pre-U Sem. Lacking of sleep. Really. My body clock only allows me to sleep at 1am and for the past few days 2am. ZOMG. Kills mes nows.

Well the only great thing that happened is this getting my parcels! Yeps, shopping therapy is the best when you are stuck in a sucky situation. So that's what I did last weekend. Bought 2 tops when I'm not suppose to spend!!! :/ But they are just too pretty to ignore. Anw I leaving it as that...

Loser like me,

I've restrain long enough, I'm going to let the emotion flow in this post. Judge. 

Feel free to, cause I don't give a fuck about your opinion. 

I believe there are people who don't believe that I'm so negative and pessimistic. If you think I'm lying ask my parents, close friends and even _____ knows how unwilling I am to admit my achievements. They rarely hear me mention positive comments about myself and my achievements. I always think I'm not doing enough and everything I have achieved is just bull shit, I'm just making up to all the failures I made in the past 12 years of my life. And regarding tomorrow its the same, I really think the chances are not there. Look, I'm sick and when ever I'm in such a situation I stutter and keep my mouth shut so how on earth do think I can even make it even though I really hope I can make it. WHO DOESN'T? IF NO, THAT PERSON IS JUST BULL SHITTING IN YOUR FACE. (I am just being 100% frank about human nature I bet 100000 that no one on this planet will not want it)

Yeps, so to stop my tension and anxieties about tomorrow. I'm going to share what happened...

HAHAHAH. Someone like me decided to speak to a class of 20 or so peeps last Wednesday with another guy. Trust me. Me and my butterflies, it's RARE. I built up my courage marched into the lecture theater and it was pitch dark except for the blue screen and music playing. I thought I was in the wrong place. OMG. I decided to wait outside and only at probably 4.10 I went in. Still feeling butterflies, I mastered my courage and speak the the girls. Erm, let's say it didn't go as well as I planned (rather than I take the initiative to speak, I needed some prompting and conversation starters) but lucky enough we did a switch. HAHAHA, GUYS ARE GUYS. Chatting and all sort. The conversation was a wee bit better than the girls. I really nope I did some motivating. Hope you guys will do well, at least try too! I sincerely hope you guys do! (:

Pre-U Seminar is coming up really soon 20+ more days left. Need I say more? Butterflies and fear will be looking for me. :/ In fact why was I agreeable to this is because I'm trying my best to break away from being introvert and widen my network. Hope it is fun? I'm going to have an open mind about it! (:

This semester is the worst one. Hectic. I'm getting lesser sleep and have fallen sick. Flu and a sore throat.  T_T I really need to get hold of myself and manage everything. I have this feeling I'll fail both modules. Till now I don't know what the heck I am doing. I sometimes think I am in class but I start zoning to some where else. Maybe I need to sleep early. Today I'll do that. It takes one day to know right? 

Toodles,

How will I know

I was about to blog an entry on how I'm so worried about school stuff, despite having only 2 modules. (My understanding of them are like WHAT?! DOOMS DAY!!) But I decided to turn on some glee music and that feeling is now all gone. So I have no idea what I am doing here, AGAIN. But I don't want to let myself down by having short post, I decided to share a bit of recent happenings...

> Rehearsals for presentation + some last min recording. (Will disclose when it's nearer to that date)

> Editing cally's cca stuff (Suprisingly I like the outcome of those things: posters and tee design)

> I'll be trying something I dare not tomorrow and will just speak whatever that comes to mind even though just typing I am freaking out (Will disclose after tomorrow how is it or the next time I blog)

Just took a day off today. Had kinda of a lousy morning but a great afternoon with good food and spending my money on something I was yearning to get, there goes my part of allowance I allocated for clothes. I can only wait till next month. (Trust me, the temptation will come but I need to FIGHT! Hope I can save 50% of my allowance).

Some random pictures I took today.. (Cute gobstoppers eh? ^^)

Toodles,

All lost

I told myself for countless of times this the final lap and should go all out to accomplish what I want and go to a good uni. Seems like alls just talk. I slacking my life away, catch up with my videos just now. I just lost it.

You get it. I lost the meaning of my life with so much disappointments. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. T_T