It Will Rain

HELLO OCTOBER.

Please be good to me and the ones around me. It means most to me!

It's been awhile since I typed some emotional stuff, OR rather not blogging about own personal daily activities during the holidays.

My life never felt so complicated and horrible at the end of September. With people around me feeling betrayed and disappointed. You will get affected, since you are also part of it. At first I though I was able to handle it, escaping from reality, but it isn't as easy as one expects. Hate it when it can only listen and not do anything. (I SO WILL BLOODY BE IRRATIONAL AND DO THE WORLD'S CRAZIEST THINGS!) Seeing and hearing the pain that they were going through sucked big.

Anyway, this month also made me reflect on different areas of my life:

How I used to be before I'm like ...................... and YES I HATE EVERY SINGLE BIT OF THAT!!! But you have to grow up/change when the circumstances forces you to. I used to be too innocent and being not only bullied but taken advantage of!!! So no matter how much you miss that part of you it will not be there any more till the situation is no longer the same again.

Since this is the first holiday I really worked for a month, I realised how hard money come by. I happen to reflect about my future as well. I realised I do not know what I really want and afraid of the phase where students transits into the working life. It never occurred to me up till now, I need to think what I want to do. My life is going to be real hard, I have this strong six sense. My life has never been easy... I know many of you go through the same phase as me.

School is another obstacle I have to face. Yes I am doing alright, but you'll still have this fear inside: whether you can graduate, get the diploma and do well... going to a university. Sometimes school isn't all about studies but the things you do in the school. Sadly, I am not a student who excels in both studies and school external stuff. I am introvert. I WILL NEVER DENY THAT. You can't expect much from someone who suffered so much with a scar to not feel down despite all the successes. I am just too negative and emo. Really. Nothing is changing this personality of mine. ):

Lastly, I need to be something about going back to being quiet. I missed that me who shhhh and keep thoughts to herself. I guess I'm used to pouring out some things ever since I meet with my lecturer to talk about stuff.

Now September is gone and please let the sun shine in October and not let it rain.


I'm feeling superrrrrrrrrr emo nowwwwwwwwwwwww!!!



I feel like this song.