it's all i request of...

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK LA!

MOFO, MY VULGARITIES ARE BACK. ):
I tried to control but i can't, i cannot act happy when it hurts like mad.
The friendships i built up idk even how to carry on, now what i do seem to hurt everyone.
I'm not happy either, and i never felt so much pain in my life this is way worst than before.
Worst than what have happened before and i cried a lot, till tears fell like a waterfall...

I really think that being alone it the best, i never felt so much pain in my life.
I really think i should not put my 100% in anything that have a "-ship" except kinship.
This feeling feels as if i can die, and at any moment i can cry.
I feel like a piece of glass broken into 100 and 1000s of pieces.

Now a million of sorries are not even able to repair the pain built in a person.
Am starting to think I'm a loser and not worth to have friends.
I miss the old me, i really do.
I hate this feelings that are inside of me, being happy is a show.
Not even how i feeling the way i should.

All i request of god to give me now, is a peaceful life without all this problems...
I really wish of you... )':

TO YOU! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
To really think about it, why should i care now. Cause you have also treated me like an extra before, and i cried to. I didn't tell you, and most of the time our thinking are totally different. And it's because of our thinking we almost quarrel, and i stop. Even you give me that kind of face (WHATEVER! FACE) i ignore and control my temper. IT HAS GONE WAY BEYOND! AND NOW IT'S REALLY THE END! Why will i look for other people, cause they have things to talk to me, and their responds are better. I have to keep finding topic to talk to you, and its awkward like i have become the chatter box, you should know how it feels. And you made me feel like huiting is always closer to you, cause you have her that's all. And you only pour to me when you have problems, and at times my advice i give you, you will think totally differently. And when i look for you you too, and at times because of this i almost wanted to flare!!

Most importantly sports day, why will i stick to lau. We have topics due to the liking, most of the stuff i like eg: music and bands are the same. It's hard to find a topic to talk to you. See when we sat there, we hardly chat. And my liking and what you like are different. I tell you stuff you like really? And i will talk and continue i tried my best. But can't continue. And why i got close and have a distance, cause after that when i get home i will have a weird feeling. And this will prevent me to get too close, and i start to build a line, we can only be close until this stage. I really thing we have a lot of difference, like you like to joke and I'm someone who can't. You ask kelley and co. they know, joking = weirdness for me.

I can't always compromise to people needs you know. I need to have my own opinions at time. And i have doubt you at times, i don't know what's real and what's not. And i have built a guard around me. This is why i walked out, and at time i will only talk to you. SO HERE IS WHAT I WANT TO TELL YOU. WELL, THAT FEELING OF BEING LEFT OUT HAPPENED LONG AGO, SINCE 2008 DECEMBER! Just to let you know, MY FRIDAYS ARE ALWAYS GIVEN TO MY GUIDES!! Cause they will understand me, cca group people are the next closest and we have been through tons, i believe asking most uni. group people they will find the same too. SO, THE END!

& FYI, i'm not denying i'm not wrong. Cause i did cry over it, and i know i'm wrong. But to me you should put yourself in my shoes too. To me both play a part in this situation. And i believe i might/will talk to you very soon if you never see my blog!!! I want to at least tell you and hear everything from you!!!


I guess, it's still the regular who knows me best.
I have changed and sorry about that.
I need time to get over it, too many things have happened this year.
I MISS CHINA, I FEEL TRUE HAPPINESS OVER THERE WITH THOSE PEOPLE! )':

p/s: thanks a lot Agnes li, Agnes lau and Claudia and last but not least kwan foo. I really do appreciate it. Same goes for Kelley, especially you.
People i will try to smile, and i think i will be able to do that.

LI- so sweet lor, so fast!
NURSSY- yea i'm honoured! (:
CLAUDIA- lols smile can keep the doctor away ? didn't knew that. X=
KWANFOO- hmmm you slow lor.. should i say very veryyyyyyyyy slow...









♥Something inside this heart has died...
只求我最迷茫时 还能找到 最初的自己。